Do you feel weighed down by “I should… I must…. I have to….”?
Many of us carry a constant stream of “shoulds” in our minds: I should be more productive, I should handle this better, I should know the right answer. For anxious minds and perfectionists, these thoughts can feel overwhelming, creating pressure, guilt, and self-doubt. While “shoulds” might sometimes motivate us, more often they fuel the inner critic, a voice that judges, compares, and tells us we’re never quite enough.
It’s important to remember that the inner critic is not inherently bad. In fact, it often develops as a protective part of ourselves, trying to keep us safe, prevent mistakes, or maintain high standards. Unfortunately, the strategies it uses can become rigid and unhelpful, leading to stress, shame, and indecision. For example, telling ourselves “I should always be better” may feel like a warning, but over time it can trap us in self-criticism rather than helping us improve. Recognizing the inner critic as a protective part allows us to approach it with curiosity instead of judgment, which is a key step in building a healthier relationship with our thoughts.
There are ways to quiet this protective, yet overactive voice. The first step is to notice and label the thought: when you catch yourself thinking “I should…”, try reframing it as a choice or intention, such as “I’d like to…” or “I’m choosing to…”. Next, gently challenge the thought by asking: Is this realistic? Is it necessary? Is it helpful right now? Practicing self-compassion is essential, treat yourself with curiosity and kindness rather than harsh judgment. Small experiments, like intentionally doing something differently than your “shoulds” dictate, can provide insight and reduce the inner critic’s intensity. Therapeutic approaches such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy), and IFS (Internal Family Systems) offer structured ways to explore these patterns and learn to work with this protective part instead of feeling controlled by it.
Letting go of “shoulds” is a process, and it’s normal to encounter setbacks along the way. Over time, practicing curiosity, self-compassion, and intentional choice can help you move from a rigid “should” mindset to a more flexible, grounded approach to life. Therapy provides a safe, supportive space to explore these thoughts, understand the protective role of your inner critic, and build strategies to make choices with confidence rather than self-judgment.
Ready to Calm Your Inner Critic?
If you find yourself overwhelmed by “shoulds” or stuck in self-judgment, therapy can provide a supportive space to explore these thoughts and learn strategies to work with, not against, your inner critic. You don’t have to navigate it alone, reach out today to start building self-compassion, clarity, and confidence in your decisions.
